Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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