I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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