I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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