Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
