Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
