But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
