My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
