nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
