Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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