You smell like stripper and shame
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
