Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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