ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
