I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
