you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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