Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
