worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
