finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
