All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
