i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You are the jesus of drinking
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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