So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
