I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have fence marks all over my body
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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