Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
