Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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