i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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