I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
