Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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