I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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