just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I touched a dick in church today
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
