I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
