Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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