I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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