That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the day after is always just damage control
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
