I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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