I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
People in love make me want to vomit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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