Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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