I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Welp...herpes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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