do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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