Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
