I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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