Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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