Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
my shit smells like andre
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
