my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
