last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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