you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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