New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
