Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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