I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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