Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
