one might say we're banned from that church
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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