John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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