Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
