I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
