Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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