Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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