I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
