At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
