I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
