And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
