even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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