Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
BRING THE BAGELS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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