fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
