Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
