my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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