omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
