I want to have your abortion
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
