Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
