Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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