He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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