I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
