EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
