literally had 100 drinks last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
