Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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