Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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