As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
