Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
